Monday, October 15, 2012

Overwhelming Hope

I've been thinking about writing on here for the past week. Yet, every time I sit down to write, the words just stop. There is one word that continued to creep up and no matter how hard I tried to smother it, it wouldn't keep quiet. Overwhelmed. That is the word. That is the word that would best describe everything in my life and the only word I had to say. This week was rough.

If I wanted to, I could complain. Oh, could I complain! I could complain about the rainy weather we had on Monday, the tiredness I felt all day Tuesday, the long classes I had on Wednesday, the class canceled on Thursday without any warning, and the weariness I felt tumbling on me on Friday. And yet, when I think about the things there are to complain about, I'm reminded of the hope and blessings there were in each of those situations.

Blessings? In rain? It was a rainy Monday. Now granted, I love Mondays and I really enjoy a good rain shower. But it was cold, and I was tired and not really excited about getting wet. It was time for science class in the afternoon and Dr. Young began by reading us a devotional by John Piper about, you guessed it, rain. Never in my life have I been so enthralled with who God is because of rain. But this article painted an amazing picture of how awesome God is in His creation of rain. I couldn't help but thank God for the blessing of rain. 

And then came Tuesday. I spent all day Tuesday in school with my fifth graders. I love them! It was a good day academic wise, but a hard day hearing some of them tell me about things going on in their lives. Sometimes, I wish I could take on all of their pain because watching them deal with it is agonizing. I came home and cried after school. I cried because I felt so unhelpful to these kids. I cried because the pain was too much. I cried because I didn't know what else to do. I spent a long time in prayer that afternoon and I needed it! 

The rest of the week was spent with papers being written, projects being presented, and sleep evading me. When Friday was over I could not have been happier. Rest was what I wanted.

The first few days of this week are fall break. Fall break could not have come at a more perfect time. I needed this time of rest. I have worked on projects that needed to be worked on, caught up on sleep, and spent some time praying and reading God's Word. It is amazing just how encouraging and refreshing time spent in the Word can be.

Yes, overwhelming would be a good word to describe the past week, but also hopeful. Even though I felt broken down and overwhelmed, there was still hope. Hope that God is in control. Hope that this isn't the end. Hope that God has me here for a reason. Hope that God is my heavenly father and loves me.

Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. But always, always God is faithful. Always He is loving. Always He is God! And always that brings hope – overwhelming hope. 

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