A Sunrise of Grace

The sun rose crimson red. The perfect half circle of a sun, nestled in between the nook of two mountains, was crimson, scarlet. It shown up into the sky like a beacon making the clouds appear as various hues of yellow to purple. It painted the trees opposite it in amber light, and the moving clouds made the mountains look as though they were waltzing underneath that glorious light.

Every morning of the past six weeks I had been gifted with beautiful sunrises. One morning everything from each blade of grass to the branches on even the smallest tree were coated in frost. This beauty was magnified by the sunrise – a palette of pale oranges, pinks, and yellows that danced off the frost, sending colour everywhere. However, the beauty of the last sunrise outdid all the others. It was as if its Maker knew that this was the finale and therefore created the most beautiful sunrise I'd ever seen.

Because Christmas time is right around the corner, I had shuffled a mix of Sufjan Steven's older Christmas music to play on my drive to school. The melodies danced through the speakers. As I crested the top of the hill where the sunrise was displayed like a painting in the Louvre, Amazing Grace was quietly being sung. "His grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home."

If I'd had the time, I would have pulled off the shoulder and just stared in awe at God's handiwork. However, part of working is being on time, and so I snuck peeks at the sunrise while I drove.

I got to school on time. I photocopied papers for the day, placed the chairs neatly around the table, sharpened pencils, and moved our little Elf on the Shelf. All normal things, yet, all things that I knew I was doing for the last time.

We had our Christmas party. A party that was chaotic, full of sugar, and carefully watched by my amazing room mom. And then as suddenly as this job was thrust upon me, it ended. I watched the last of my kids leave the building. Wishing them a Merry Christmas, and also a good school year.

Six weeks wasn't long enough. It's hard to fall in love with something only to have it ripped away from you. It's hard to realize that what was once painful, actually taught so much and brought much joy.

As the end of my six weeks teaching kindergarten stared me in the face, I tried as hard as I could to be excited for whatever would come next. However, faking excitement is hard. All I really wanted was for the principal to offer me a position. I wanted to continue to teach these 19 kids that I have fallen in love with.

Teaching is hard. When week number one of this placement ended I complained to Damarise and asked her what I was thinking to take this job. The first three weeks were torturous. I was simply trying to stay afloat. I pulled out old text books on classroom management. I scoured the internet for ways to have smooth transitions, good incentives, and quiet hallway behaviour. And I cried every day on the way home from school. I cried because I didn't know what else to do. I was stressed, tired, and seemed to be constantly sick with a cold, fever, or cough.

However, something happened. I began to feel a part of the school community. I could laugh and joke with my teammates. I was observed by the principal and given good insight into what I can improve. Though there were hard days, God's grace became all the more real, and you know what? You learn a lot more when every day you deal with something new or are put into a hard situation that you never planned on.

I turned twenty-two during this teaching placement. And for once in my life I actually felt older. I felt like a grown-up. I had a "full-time" job with real co-workers who were becoming friends. I had a schedule which I loved. I had work to take home and lessons to plan over the weekend. I learned 19 students names, but not only their names, I learned their likes and dislikes. I learned who needs extra persistence in order to get work done. I learned that humor is a gift from God that can dispel fights, or lighten any situation. I learned that I can sing in public and that the more you get into it the more fun it will be. And I learned that when I open up my heart to absorb everything around me and fully dive in, it hurts all the more when it's time to leave.

Those who know me well will know that Kindergarten is not my cup of tea. However, maybe my cup of tea has changed. And maybe it took 19 precious little kindergarteners to do it. Because when I said goodbye to them and drove home with a lump in my throat and no words to describe the heartache I felt, all I wanted to do was teach Kindergarten again.

God provides. I've learned that. I've seen Him provide in marvelous ways. But when He gave me this job in my lap, at a school I didn't even know existed, I questioned His providence. I questioned His goodness. I wondered why He'd give me a job in a grade that I'd never wanted to teach. I wondered why He gave me a job with such a long drive. And I wondered if I could quit.

It took me a while to realize how this job was full of unexpected blessings. How the long drive every morning wasn't a waste of gas, but was decorated in beautiful sunrises reminding me that God's faithfulness is new every morning. How the kids weren't terrible, but showed me how everyone is in need of God's mercy and forgiveness. How I wasn't as good and kind as I thought, but was reminded every day that I need God's help to love each child and to treat everyone fairly. How I can never ever do anything on my own, but God provides resources in wonderful mentor teachers who guide me in how to teach well.

And so that sunrise on my last morning into work. The one that rose crimson red and showered the trees in a fiery light, the one that rose while Sufjan quietly sang, "His grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home." That sunrise reminded me of how wonderful God is. That sunrise reminded me of how God's grace provided for this job. It reminded me of the joy and hardship that this teaching position has brought and how it has molded me more into His image. It reminded me of the kids whose lives I got to be a part of who I only hope learned what I tried to teach. It reminded me that even when I think something is terrible, God has a plan, and I need only trust Him, because in the end, when I look back and see what the six weeks were like from hindsight, I feel blessed. I feel honoured that God have me this job. And I feel sad, because when it was all said and done, I loved it and I will miss it!

Schools are now in Christmas break and I am headed to Missouri to spend a week with family. I've applied for another long term sub position at another school, and will continue to sub when I get back home. However, if you (whoever still reads this) think of it, I'd appreciated prayer for another teaching opportunity. I know God will work everything out and as sure as the sun rises every morning, so His faithfulness is firm and steady. And in that I give thanks. 

Goodbyes

I'll just say it point blank – goodbyes hurts.

I love people, I really do. I love talking with people and learning about their lives. I love the uniqueness that each person has. I love the laughter that comes from conversation. I love the little things about people that make them who they are – whether that be mannerisms, interests, or attitudes – everyone has something that makes them different. And figuring that out is wonderful.

Nine weeks ago, I was welcomed into a 5th grade classroom. There were 23 (soon to be 25) fifth grade faces staring at me as I tried to act confident. I was shaking like a leaf as I wondered how I would ever fit in or learn all their names!

As the weeks wore on, I fell in love. I fell in love with waking up at 5:45am every Tuesday and Thursday and going into that 5th grade classroom to see my wonderful kids. I loved that as the weeks wore on I no longer felt like a newcomer, but I felt like part of their community. I loved learning their names. I loved sitting with them at lunch and learning more about who they were.

When Thursday came last week, I knew that I would only have one more day left with my 5th graders. I tried not to think about it, but as I was stopped coming out of the lunchroom by several of my kids telling me funny stories or chatting about what was happening in their family, I knew it would be hard to leave them.

This morning I got up and cherished every moment I was in school with them. Around 9:30, my teacher told the class that we were having a goodbye party for me - Ms. Turnbull. I gave them all gifts, and I got so many hugs. I held back the tears, but just barely.

I don't know if these 5th graders will ever know how much they meant to me. I hope they know that I will treasure them and the gifts they gave me. One boy gave me a drawing that he had made. He is an amazing artist and I told him I would treasure it. I also told him that when he becomes a world-renown artist to let me know because I want to buy some of his artwork. Another boy has, since the first day I met him, carried around a self-made origami star. I've watched him play with it while listening to lessons. I've seen him pull it out to look at and touch no matter how dirty his hands are. And I've watched him, on more than one occasion, gnaw on it while concentrating. And today when he took it out and wrote "bye-bye" on it and handed it to me, I just about cried. That was something so close to him and he gave it to me. No matter how nasty that star may look to others, I will treasure that little star forever.

I had one boy tell me at lunch that when he grows up he will be a spaghetti chef. I told him I loved spaghetti and he told me that when he has his restaurant he will let me eat there for free whenever I want. (I told him that I would take him up on that offer!) I had several girls hugging me at the end of the day. They wouldn't let go and told me that they would hold on to me so that I would come back. One girl kept asking why I had to leave and why I couldn't stay. And I couldn't answer because I knew that if I started to, I would probably just cry.

I said goodbye to my fifth graders. I hugged my teacher, who has been an incredible role model for me, and I left. I walked away from my 25 fifth graders and wonderful cooperating teacher, and yes, I teared up.

It's hard to say goodbye. It's hard to say goodbye to people who I know and love. I know the students who need extra help reading. I know the one girl who thinks it's hilarious to call me Ms. Her. I know that one student loves Alabama like nothing else. (I watched the Alabama vs. Georgia game on Saturday just so that I would know what he would tell me on Tuesday.) I know the students who will tell me all about their weekend. I know the student who wants to talk about his family. I know the student who understands sarcasm and will make me laugh. I know the students who love to be called on, but are too shy to raise their hands. I know these students and I love them all.

Leaving today was hard. Goodbyes are hard.

I'm thankful for the blessing this school and this class has been to me. I have learned so much from each student and especially from my cooperating teacher. I'm thankful that God let me be with this class. And even though goodbyes are hard, I'm thankful that God brings new people into my life that I can meet and love.

This experience has been wonderful and the sadness of goodbyes will never match the joy that I have had while being with the fifth grade. I can only thank God for all that He has blessed me with through this placement in fifth grade. 

Twenty Little Ones

Today I said goodbye to twenty little children who have helped me understand first grade so much better. I told them it was time for me to leave and that I wouldn't be back the next week to see them. "You're moving to New York?!", one boy asked me. "No," I told him, "Not New York, but I am going to a different school, so I won't see you again." "Can't you just stay and teach here?!", a girl asked me. I wish... I wish.

I'd only been with them for four weeks, but they grew on me. I felt so welcome into that first grade classroom. I was amazed at my cooperating teacher who taught with such passion and love, but also had control of her classroom. I felt comfortable helping out students and loved listening to their stories. Today, the last thing I wanted to do was say goodbye to them.

I'm going to miss them. I'm going to miss the funny things they had to say. Like the boy who asked me my very first day there, "What is your name?" I told him, "Ms. Turnbull." "Turrrrrrrrrrrr", he said. "Turnbull.", I corrected. "Ohhhhhhh," he replied, "I always get that mixed up with 'The Terminator'." Or the student who asked if I was Mrs. Turnbull was my husband named Mr. Turnbull. I had to correct her and let her know that I am not married and that my name would change.

They all had unique thoughts– some funny, some thought provoking, and all worth taking note of. I'll miss the constant, "Ms. Turnbull! Did you know...." followed by a comment about a brother, cousin, or a completely unrelated story that I would never have known about in a million years. I'll miss seeing their smiling faces every Tuesday and Thursday and never knowing what the day would hold. They were a wonderful first class to begin Senior Year with.

Today I teared up at recess when I knew I would be leaving within the hour. And today when I was about to leave and got bombarded with twenty hugs, I knew without a doubt that I would miss them.

Next week I begin practicum again. This time it will be in a new school, with a new teacher, and new students. I cannot wait to see what this next adventure will hold, but I will miss my twenty little first graders and I am thankful for the love and hospitality they showed me while I sat in their classroom the past four weeks. It has been a wonderful experience!

They're Off

Spring Break has arrived at Covenant College. And as others head home to their families, Damarise and I stay put as our family moves to their new home in Africa.

Please continue to pray for them and for Damarise and me. Thank you!

"I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

-Isaiah 41:9-10

O Be With Them

"Friends, and home, and all forsaking,

Lord they go at Thy command,

As their stay Thy promise taking,

While they traverse sea and land:

O be with them; O be with them;

Lead them safely by the hand.

O be with them; O be with them;

Lead them safely by the hand."

The church continued to sing as I looked up from my copy of the hymn. I looked to my right and saw my family sitting up against the side wall. Andrew, Ian, Dad, Mom, and Sarah. They sat there, some singing along with the church, others trying to hold back the tears.

The church was singing this hymn as a way to send them off to Zambia. For the past nine years every church we have attended has, at some point, sent us off to the next place God has for us. Only this time the sending off was slightly different.

I looked to my left and saw Damarise. We were both feeling the same way. Neither of us were singing but rather listening to the words while trying to hold back the flow of tears that threatened to come. It was the first time in nine years that Damarise and I weren't being sent off with the family. We were on the opposite end of the spectrum, the end doing the action, not receiving it.

I looked around at the rest of the faces singing. Our church family. They loved us, prayed for us, and encouraged us. These were the people sending Dad, Mom, Sarah, Ian, and Andrew out with prayers.

I joined in on the last verse. My eyes watery and my voice hardly audible.

"There to reap in joy forever,

Fruit that grows from seed here sown;

There to be with Him, who never

Ceases to preserve His own;

And with gladness, and with gladness,

Give the praise to Him alone.

And with gladness, and with gladness,

Give the praise to Him alone."

"And with gladness." Right then, sitting in the metal folding chair looking at my family, sorrow seemed a more eminent emotion. "And with gladness, give the praise to Him alone." Gladness? My family is moving an ocean away, how could gladness be felt right now?

The church ended the service in prayer for our family. And as the prayers poured out to God, I realized there was reason for gladness.

God has blessed me with an amazing family. This weekend was a strong reminder of that. We love each other, we laugh with each other, and we enjoy being with each other. There are not too many families who are blessed with that. And, on top of that, my family follows the Lord no matter where He chooses to lead them.

As people continued to pray, I was reminded of God's faithfulness to our family. He has led us every step of the way. He led us away from Arkansas into the life of missions nine years ago, and He has been faithfully leading every step of the way. He saved Ian's life, and protected all of us multiple times. He was with us through the rough times, and through the times where life was grand. Always, always, God is faithful.

The prayers ended, and with gladness I gave the praise to God alone.

I thank God that He has chosen my family to serve Him in Zambia. I'm thankful that they listen to His direction and follow Him no matter where it takes them. I'm thankful that even though we may be separated by miles of ocean and land, nothing can ever separate us from the love of Christ and the unity we have in Him. I'm thankful that even though most of my family will be in Zambia, God has blessed me with my wonderful older sister, Damarise, and with wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Even though the tears did flow, and the goodbyes still hurt, God was, is, and always will be faithful. And what a wondrous promise that is to hold onto.

Snapshots of the Weekend

This weekend Damarise and I flew back to Missouri to say goodbye to our family before they head to Zambia. Micah got to join us on our trip (so that'd we have a guy driving back with us) We had a blast with him and our family!

(Also, this is a post for pictures... another post will be coming soon :) )

We got to the airport a little early, so we had some fun exploring the airport.

We got to Missouri at 9pm. We had a delicious dinner and then went to bed. The next morning we went outside to enjoy the beautiful snow that Missouri had.

Even though half of us look miserable, it was a ton of fun!

We had snowball fights...

Hung out in forts...

Looked cool...

Went sledding/snowboarding...

And had a wonderful, cold time!

We also celebrated Damarise's 21st birthday :)

And Sarah drew Damarise this amazing panda! Yes, again, I've got to say that Sarah is an amazing artist! I am just astounded by her drawings!

Grandma also treated us to a birthday meal for Damarise. :)

Sunday we took family pictures... well... after the boys goofed off with the camera.

Trying to touch their tongue to their nose...

Smile! :)

I love my family!

I don't even know what was going on.

This was our shocked expression.

The "look-at-Andrew-normal" expression.

Pants! Our family's sign.

Thinking.

They are the best!

"Attack the camera man!"

The homeschool family.

Homeschool choir ;)

Siblings!

Andrew traded places with Micah.

The weekend ended way to soon, and Monday morning we were on our way out.

This picture basically captures all the fun we had.

Mom and Dad left the mini-van to us, so Damarise and I now have transportation, which we are SO thankful for.

Goodbye until 2013.

On our way back to Covenant, we stopped to see the St. Louis Arch.

We had a wonderful trip back, and God gave us great weather for the trip!

I'm SO thankful for the weekend we got to spend with our family and Micah. God showed me once again what an amazing family I have and how blessed I am. I'm thankful for Micah too and his willingness to travel there and back with Damarise and me. I'm thankful for the church and the love they showed us and our family. And I'm thankful that one day our whole family will be reunited :)