Third Grade: An Adventure

She opened the door and I entered into a ransacked room. Books were spilling out of desks. Papers lay strewn across the floor. Chairs were half heartedly pushed towards desks. And maybe, as I've taught several students before, I should have inferred something from the situation before me. But sometimes ignorance is bliss, and sooner or later that ignorance will be corrected and the full situation will be seen.

However, on that rainy Monday morning, when the principal offered me a long term substitute position to finish off the end of the school year, I was so full of joy that I blindly accepted.

Fast forward a week later. Students were coming back from Spring Break and I was there – bright eyed and bushy tailed – ready to meet the thirteen students whom the principal had told me were all wonderful! I could hardly wait. A class so small, and so well behaved, meant fun activities would certainly be planned. I was beginning to think that five weeks would be too short and wished it could be longer.

And then, to start enlightening me to the situation around me, in walked the two third grade teachers in my team. They were very warm and welcoming and forewarned me that I had a rough group of kids. I laughed it off, still caught up in the joy of having a chance to teach. And then the bell rang. My students piled in. And my ignorance was quickly swept away.

The past five weeks have been a whirlwind. A whirlwind of sadness, tiredness, stress, and overwhelming helplessness. I laughed at myself for ever thinking kindergarten was hard. This was an entirely new level of difficulty.

Within the first week I heard cuss words thrown out in every day conversation, I had chairs and desks thrown across the room (not to mention plenty of smaller objects), I witnessed and tried to prevent two fist fights, and left every day worn down and feeling helpless. I could hardly teach with all the commotion every day and I felt like I rarely smiled. If you have ever thought that teaching was easy, please think again! Coming into a classroom at the end of the year to a group of rowdy kids who do not want to listen to a substitute makes for trying times.

I wish I could say it got better. I wish I could write that by the end of the five weeks every student was sitting quietly and following directions all the way and there was no bad language or fighting. But I can't write that. By the end of the five weeks, three of my students were expelled. And though I was left with a handful of students, it still took immense effort to maintain the structure of the classroom.

I wanted to quit after that first week, but I'm glad I didn't. Though the experience was rough, and though I felt as if I accomplished nothing, I did learn a lot.

First, I learned that every child has a story. Though these kids were in third grade, many of them had experienced great tragedy or loss in their lives. Many of them lived in situations that I couldn't even imagine. And the way they lived effected their behaviour in very apparent ways. It helps to listen to everyone's story so that you know where they are coming from and why they do the things they do.

Secondly, God's love was more vivid to me than ever before. Every morning on my way to work I sat in my car and prayed for love, wisdom, and patience in teaching these children. And every day God gave me what I asked for.

During my fourth week in third grade I started a new read aloud with my class – The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I am a huge fan of C.S. Lewis and I loved getting to share that book with my third graders. Something that I had never noticed before was after Lucy and Susan watch Aslan die and then come back to life, Lucy asks Susan if they should tell Edmund what Aslan did for him. And Susan says no, because it would be so overwhelming for Edmund to realize that Aslan gave up Himself for Edmund.

Reading that struck me. I know what Christ did for me. And sometimes it isn't overwhelming, sometimes it bounces off of me like water on oil. When it shouldn't. Every day should be filled with overwhelming rejoicing and humbling at the price that Jesus paid for me! He loved me even when I was a sinner. Even when I was undeserving of any love, God so loved He gave His Son! And that– that is overwhelming grace!

As I was driving to school on the last day, I was thinking about God's love. I have seen it painted clearer these past few weeks because I have struggled to love. There were days when I felt so hardened and felt as if not an ounce of love were in me. When kids told me "no" to my face and my patience was wearing thin, I wondered how I could ever love them. When they started fights with each other, threw things, or yelled insulting words, it took every fiber of my being to hold in the tears of hurt and not walk out the door. And then I realized I do the same with God all the time. I turn away, I complain, I question why, I yell, I wonder if He's actually good, and all the while His love never fails. He doesn't turn His face away. And that realization opened my eyes to the joy of the Gospel all over again. We love because He first loved us. And His love goes so much deeper, fuller, and wider than any human love ever could – and thank God it does!

Third Grade taught me quite a lot. I feel more rounded as a teacher. I have been exposed to a spectrum of children and living situations. And I've learned that sometimes children aren't all that meets the eye. Sometimes you have to ask and listen, and no matter what, you have to love. Whether that love is in the form of a structured classroom, a listening ear, or even just sitting with a student – everybody needs love and because of the great love that Christ has given us He enables us to love others.

Am I glad Summer break is here? Absolutely.
Would I have ever walked into that Third Grade classroom knowing what the future would hold? Absolutely not! I would have run the other direction.
Am I thankful that God gave me the strength to hold on for five weeks and not quit? Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I would not do it again, but I'm thankful for all I learned. And I'm thankful that God's love never gives up! 

Love

I sat and watched as over three dozen third graders each grabbed the hand of a toddler and began to help them find Easter eggs. The toddlers looked a little overwhelmed at first, but as their third grade helper kept talking to them all nerves melted away. In minutes there was laughter filling the high ceilings of the old gym. These third graders, who minutes before were tickling each other on the floor, were now showing tremendous love and care to their toddler. I walked around and listened as each child was engrossed in a light conversation with their toddler. Yet, no matter how light the subject matter was, each third grader looked as if it was the most important conversation in the world.

Time slipped by and before we knew it it was time to pack up and leave. There were hugs all around. A few of my third grade boys said they felt like they were going to cry. And all of them could not stop talking about how much they loved the toddler they had only known for a short hour.

Love.

It's been on my mind a lot the past few weeks. Not the mushy, gushy love, but the sincere sacrificial love. It started a few weeks ago after I had begun my second student teaching placement in third grade. I had said goodbye to my wonderful kindergarteners and started over again in a classroom of third graders. The transition was smooth. Third grade is a night and day difference from kindergarten. There is an air of calmness and sometimes it is almost too quiet. But this was my new placement and I could not wait to get my hands into it and start teaching.

Two weeks passed, and though I enjoyed my classroom immensely something just didn't feel right. During that second week I got to go visit my kindergarteners for a special show their school was putting on that night. As I walked back into the school where I had just learned so much I realized that part of me missed it. I kept walking and found four of my kindergarteners. I called them each by name and said hi. At first they stared at me with blank stares and then one stopped, stared, and said, "Oh. Hi, Ms. Hannah. ... Wait. Ms. Hannah?! MS. HANNAH!" I was immediately pushed back a few steps as I was engulfed in a group hug. It was wonderful. These were kids who I had spent seven weeks with, and though it was rough at points, I was in love with them. I would do anything to help them learn and care for them. And I had missed them.

We left that night and I came home to tell Damarise that I realized what was wrong with me at my new placement. I was out of love. I felt like I had no room left in my heart for any more people. It felt like if I tried to love one more person my heart would burst and I wouldn't have any love left for anyone. Of course this sounded absurd. But that is how I felt.

As I continued to get more involved in my new classroom I began to think more about love. I prayed for love. I prayed for Christ's love. As I prayed for Christ's love I began to think more about His love. The more I thought, the more I was completely blown away.

"For God so loved the world..." I got stopped right there. Here I was feeling like I couldn't love thirteen more kids, and God loves the world! The world with its seven billion inhabitants. He loves them in a real way, not a passing 'love ya' sort of way. He knows the number of hairs on their heads. He knows their thoughts, their longings, their struggles. He knows my hairs, my thoughts, my longings, and my struggles. He knows us better than we know ourselves and yet, "He sent in only begotten Son". And this is where Christ's love renders me speechless.

Why would God, who knows everything about us, who knows how depraved and unworthy our thoughts can be, who knows how manipulating our actions can be, why would He send His Son to this earth, why would He put Him in human flesh?

Love.

But God's love went deeper than simply sending His Son to earth. It went deeper when His Son, knowing fully well the wickedness of our hearts, went willingly to the cross to be crucified – not for sins He had committed, but for sins we had committed. He was beaten, mocked, and bruised so that He could give us a gift we did not deserve.

In class on Thursday my teacher was talking about what Easter means to her. As she was talking about Jesus being crucified, one third grader raised her hand. "Why", she asked, "Didn't Jesus just punch them and fight back?" He could have called down legions of angels, and he didn't. He didn't because He loved us. He loved us while we were yet sinners.

He died, crushing death, and taking with Him the sins of the world. Three days later God raised Him from the dead – death was defeated. But the story didn't end there. Now, Jesus sits at the right hand of God and intercedes for us daily. He is our great high priest who knows our every need and forgives our every sin. This is love.

It blows me away. There I was feeling like I could not love and invest in one more person, and yet God has invested and loved me and countless others. God's love truly is amazing. I prayed that His love would fill me and that it would overflow into my classroom. I knew I could not love others on my own, I just wanted my kids to see Christ's love through me.

A few days later, something happened at school. I don't even know what it was. But I left feeling in love with my students and the placement God has me at. I was excited to come back the next day and learn with and from my kids. And I was grateful that God gave me His love, and not just enough to satisfy my needs, but an overflowing amount of love that I can't help but spread to those around me.

Getting to see my kids show love to toddlers yesterday in such tangible ways was exciting. Even eight year olds can share the love of Christ. For God so loved He gave, and He continues to give. He continues to fill our lives with His love so that we can go love others. It's incredible.

The love of God is incredible.

"Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
 And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky."
-The Love of God

In the ER

I had this at the end of this post, but figured it might be best to put it at the beginning just so there is an explanation as to why I was in the ER. To clarify, I was actually in the ER waiting room. A friend who I am working with over this summer was cleaning and, long story short, ended up passing out and hitting her head on the floor. She had to go to the ER because we thought she had a concussion (which I think the doctors said she did). She is resting at home for a week, but is doing okay with no long lasting damage! ... And that is why I was in the ER waiting room. 

I plopped down next to Leslie. The vinyl chair felt sticky and who knew how many germs were coating the metal arm rests. But I was worn out from an afternoon's work and could've cared less what germs I was sitting on – at least I was sitting. Leslie and I talked for a bit and she informed me that emergency rooms are great for people watching. I laughed. But seeing as I had nothing else to keep me occupied while I waited, I let my eyes wander around the waiting room to see the people around me.

If you need a reminder that we live in a broken and fallen world, visit an emergency room. As I looked around I saw people waiting to be admitted. One man with what looked to be a sprained knee. A woman with a terrible migraine who cried when her little son wasn't looking, but put on a cheerful facade when he spoke to her. A woman who looked to be in pain everywhere. And numerous others.

Then there were the people, like us, the ones waiting to hear news on how their friend or family member was doing. They were easy to spot out from the crowd of sick people. They were the ones without the blue and white band around their wrist, but they were also the ones with the anxious and worried looks.

There was one family– a mom, teenage girl, and baby– who were sitting across from me. The worry etched on their faces was painful. They kept looking to the emergency room door marked for chest pain. They talked with each other a little, but they mostly just looked at that door. About an hour after we got there, the man they were waiting on burst out of the doors. The daughter looked up and relief spread across her face. She said, "Look! There he is!" But his response lacked the relief and joy of the daughter's. "Let's get the **** out of here! Now!" And with those words he stormed out of the hospital with his wife and daughter scrambling to get everything together and follow him.

It hurt. These people who had patiently waited hours for him were not thanked in the least. We live in a fallen world I told myself. And sometimes seeing the effects of the fall so vividly is painful. Where was grace and love in this hospital I wondered. I could look around and see pain, but was there any love in the room?

As I sat there thinking about that a woman with a little blonde haired girl came into the emergency room. "We have free food by the ICU if any one is hungry and wants some. Please! Come! We have lots and we can't leave until it's gone." Damarise and I hadn't eaten anything since we left straight from work to head to the ER. We were hungry and passing up on free food is like saying no to a birthday present. (It really shouldn't happen).

So, ten minutes later we wandered down the hallway in search of the free food. As we were searching for the food we ran into the same lady with her daughter. She told us we should could grab some food and eat with them. We told her we would love to. As we followed her down to the ICU I asked her if she did this every night. She said that she wishes she could but she did not have enough time or money for it so she only did it on Wednesdays. She said that she spent a lot of time in the ER waiting room the past few years waiting on several different family members. And sometimes, she said, a home cooked meal is one of the most comforting things, it is also incredibly cheaper than eating in the cafeteria (of course what could beat free food!).

We followed her through winding corridors until we came to a hallway. As we followed her into the hall we were greeted by several smiling faces serving food. There were casserole dishes full of home cooked food covering two long tables. And there they were, a little group from a church serving food and comforting people in that little, but extremely huge way.

I was blown away. In a place so sad and hurting there were a few people sharing food and caring for the people waiting on their loved ones. They were not only sharing food, but sharing Christ's love. They were being a light to everyone around them by humbling themselves and serving. They gave hope to the ones who were hopeless. They cared about what people were going through. They listened to the stories of hurt and mourned with those who mourned.

It was a good reminder for me. Yes, the world is fallen and broken. But we have an amazing Saviour, Jesus Christ, who came and lived on this fallen earth yet without sin. He died and took the sins of the world on Himself, but rose in order to redeem His chosen ones and save them from the bondage of sin and that that is hope! That is the hope that these people were sharing. By sharing the love of simply serving food they were showing people that they care. They were showing that they care because they have been redeemed by a living Saviour who cares. By a Saviour who saves us from more than physical ailments, but from our sin and eternal death. He is the one who gives life and that is what that little group of people were sharing. It was so encouraging to see. It was a humbling reminder.

As I left the ER that night I couldn't help but give thanks. I gave thanks that there are people who are being a light in a place that is so broken. I gave thanks that God's love penetrates the darkest places. And I gave thanks that this is not the end, that one day Christ will return and, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." (Revelation 21:4). I cannot wait for that day!

Sharing

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life."-1 Timothy 6:17-19

I thought this was a cute picture to go with this verse. And what a great verse too! It just goes to show, or say, that everything in this world will pass away! So why put our hope in things of the world?!  We not only need to be willing to share our possessions but also the hope that is within us! The hope of Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He paid to free us from our sin and give us eternal life with Him... forever! Wow! God's amazingness just blows me away!

In awe of God's Love!

There are those times when I'm just lost in all Your (God's) splendor and majesty,
All the love you have for me is more than fathom,
Why you gave Your life for sinners like me?

I'm just in awe of all You are,
Yes, I'm just in awe of the love You've given to me.
You sent Your Son, He died for me,
He rose again, so we can live eaternally.
And You did it for me.

What an honour I have to come before you now,
to be in your presence and speak to you now,
to praise You for everything that Your hand has made,
I'm just in awe of all you are!

Yes I'm just in awe of all you are
I'm just in awe of the love You've given to me.
You sent Your Son, He died for me,
He rose again, so we can live eaternally.
And you did it for me.